"what if" and "perhaps"

dear boo,

it has been only about 2 weeks, but, it seems like almost few months now. .. i think .. i'm falling in love with someone who i never met, someone who .. ..i don't know am i being naive - again.

living in the fairy tales world (imagination) - claimed to be gals' thought on the relationship perceptions. being thinking too much and worrying too much - claimed to be gals' general instinct only when she really cares about something. ... i really doesn't know, should i be continuing in the fairy tales world or...continue worry about how things goes. -complicated-

he is still nursing the wound of the past relationship. we have an understanding to only meet up after he is fully recover. ..we both doesn't know when.. ..but, i could feel that we both looking forward to this day.

my best friend's theory; "what if.." ...what if he is not recovering? what if he needs another 1 year to recover? what if we will never meet up?.. ..will i be the one who gets the hurt the most at the end of everything. i really don't know. perhaps am trying not to think about it by keep on telling myself, i can't falling in love with him. the purpose of my appearance is only to be there supporting and encouraging him for the recovery.

...perhaps one day, i will disappear from his life. perhaps, that would be the day either he will care or he wouldn't care at all. ..perhaps one day, we will be together..

it's all..about.."what if" and "perhaps" for now...

"some people come in your life for a reason, a season or a life time"

our basketball game

dear boo,

didn't know i was passing by golden mile on sat night. it's been a while i never been there. i could see myself waiting for you on my first arrival in singapore for a long term. in that evening, i sat there passionately for almost 2 hours waited for your appearance. i confidently knew, you will somehow be there even though you were late.

the memories are so real that it brought me to the past again. how i wish i could travel back to times when you were around. i wouldn't deny that, i do still missing you. everyday do pray, you are fine.

love is like a basketball game. the one that you love is your opponent. no matter how strong he is guarding the goal (his heart), you could win the game and hit the strike if you understand and value his weakness. even though, for almost 8 years now, i admit i lost the game because i still not know the really you..perhaps..do you?

how you've been lately? do you still remember me? i do. there is a lots of things i want to share with you especially when i'm in my loneliness - nobody i could share my problems with. you always been the one who could bury my worry away. i still have not find somebody who know how to score the goal in my basketball game.

************************************************************************************

Artist: S.H.E
Song: 你最近還好嗎
Ni Zui Jin Hai Hao Ma
How You've Been Lately

挑一張耶誕卡寫上滿滿祝福的話
tiao yi zhang ye dan ka xie shang man man zhu fu de hua
picked a christmas card and filled it with many blessful sayings
地址寫的是心底
di zhi xie de shi xin di
the address is written on the heart
你能不能收到它
ni neng bu neng shou dao ta
are you able to recieve it?
天有點冷
tian you dian leng
the weather is a bit cold
風有點大
feng you dian da
the wind is a bit windy
城市寧靜而喧嘩
cheng shi ning jing er xuan hua
the city is peaceful yet noisy
這一個冬天我得一個人走回家
zhe yi ge dong tian wo dei yi ge ren zou hui jia
this winter i must go home alone

問自己習慣了嗎
wen zi ji xi guan le ma
(i) ask myself if i am use to it yet
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
mei you ni mei dao ye li hui sheng bian de hao
without you, every night the echos becomes very loud
有沒有什麼好方法
you mei you shen me hao fang fa
is there a good method
讓寂寞更聽話
rang ji mo gen ting hua
to make the loneliness be good?

你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've been lately?
是不是也在思念裏掙扎
shi bu shi ye zai si nian li zhen zha
are you still struggling in the longings?
你說會記得我還記得嗎
ni shuo hui ji de wo hai ji de ma
you've said you'll remember me, do you still remember?
你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've veen lately?
忙碌嗎累嗎心還會痛嗎
mang lu ma lei ma xin hai hui tong ma
are you busy, tired, does your heart still hurt?
如果真不得已忘了我
ru guo zhen bu de yi wang le wo
if you really had to forget me
快向快樂出發
kuai xiang kuai le chu fa
hurry up and head towards happiness

有再多的牽挂都已沒有權利表達
you zai duo fe qian gua duo yi mie you tren li biao da
even if we held hands, (i) still wouldn't have the strength to express (my feelings)
舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尷尬
jiu qing ren gei de wen hou bi mo shen ren hai gan ga
an ex's greeting is more awkward than a stranger's
昨天遠了
zou tian yuan le
yesterday was far
明天還長
ming tian hai chang
tomorrow is still long
回憶模糊但巨大
hui yi mu hu dan ju da
the memories are vague but huge
這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下
zhe yang de shen ye yan lei yao zen yang bu liu xia
how to stop the late night tears from falling?

問自己習慣了嗎
wen zi ji xi guan le ma
(i) ask myself if i am use to it yet
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
mei you ni mei dao ye li hui sheng bian de hao
without you, every night the echos becomes very loud
有沒有什麼好方法
you mei you shen me hao fang fa
is there a good method
讓寂寞更聽話
rang ji mo gen ting hua
to make the lonliness be good?

你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've been lately?
是不是也在思念裏掙扎
shi bu shi ye zai si nian li zhen zha
are you still struggling in the longings?
你說會記得我還記得嗎
ni shuo hui ji de wo hai ji de ma
you've said you'll remember me, do you still remember?
你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've veen lately?
忙碌嗎累嗎心還會痛嗎
mang lu ma lei ma xin hai hui tong ma
are you busy, tired, does your heart still hurt?
如果真不得已忘了我
ru guo zhen bu de yi wang le wo
if you really had to forget me
快向快樂出發
kuai xiang kuai le chu fa
hurry up and head towards happiness

你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've been lately?
是不是也在思念裏掙扎
shi bu shi ye zai si nian li zhen zha
are you still struggling in the longings?
你說會記得我還記得嗎
ni shuo hui ji de wo hai ji de ma
you've said you'll remember me, do you still remember?
你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've veen lately?
忙碌嗎累嗎心還會痛嗎
mang lu ma lei ma xin hai hui tong ma
are you busy, tired, does your heart still hurt?
如果真不得已忘了我
ru guo zhen bu de yi wang le wo
if you really had to forget me
快向快樂出發
kuai xiang kuai le chu fa
hurry up and head towards happiness

080808

dear boo,

last friday was the 8th of august of the year of 08. - 080808 - i used to have a wish to get married on this date. -fairy tales dream-

i still on my own being independent. so much so, others could feel there is a layer of protection that they will say, "i'm too strong. losing the soft-side of me".

i still could feel you around. sometimes, do wondering how far you have gone. still wondering what would you be doing at the other sides of the world. - i miss you -

boo, i'm living fine except been going through some medication and weekly clinic visit. i do hope that one day, we could be friend again.

high fever of me

dear boo,

i had a very sick weekend. high fever and restless night.

it felt so suffer and torture as nobody was there taking care of me. few times, i really would like to call you up and asking for your loving gestures. - it might be worthless - i whispered to myself to kill my week intention.

went for 2 times of western doctor and 2 times of traditional chinese medicine doctor. well, it did not break the previous record of 5 times visit and mc for 5 days continuously. had been laying on the bed - helpless and nobody care whether i am alive or death. i dragged myself awake in the midnight to eat medicine, boiled hot water.. nobody was there to buy me foods, but myself to look for it.

i miss you a lots. i went to ang mo kio yesterday afternoon to buy the fish porridge. i remembered how enjoyable the moment we had together while eating our fav porridge all times. are you still visiting that stall? the uncle wasn't there when i were there.

i know you always want me to be strong and to take care of myself. and...this time around, i strive hardly to recover from the devil fever. i know once i'm recover from this, i'm a step further of becoming more indepedent and strong. ...and i definitely know..this will make you proud.

boo, summer is going to end soon. fall season will be greeted beautifully with the autumn leaves. same to me, high fever going to recover soon, and me..will smile as cheerfully as before too.. ...for you...

returning your freedom

boo,

i have frequently listening to this song since we saw each the other day. staring at our photos. memories captured way back before when we separated to our different future, different university. ...we looked so different - so true the teenage love.

no matter how much i miss you nowadays, i have learn to keep them all inside my heart. and i learned to let you go to find your future without appearing in your life anymore.

oftenly, i keep on wondering how are you and forget to ask...how am i?... i still remembered you have always asked me to love myself first before loving others. and i'm continuing learning this chapter.

boo, i'm living fine now. ...new life,new journey...even though the future is still very unsecure; but i'm still very proud of myself on being so strong and bold to continue my journey without you around.

i always believe, there will be a day, we will meet again and fill our day with laughter and smile. and i believe, deep down in your heart, you are still hiding and protecting our friendship.