"what if" and "perhaps"

dear boo,

it has been only about 2 weeks, but, it seems like almost few months now. .. i think .. i'm falling in love with someone who i never met, someone who .. ..i don't know am i being naive - again.

living in the fairy tales world (imagination) - claimed to be gals' thought on the relationship perceptions. being thinking too much and worrying too much - claimed to be gals' general instinct only when she really cares about something. ... i really doesn't know, should i be continuing in the fairy tales world or...continue worry about how things goes. -complicated-

he is still nursing the wound of the past relationship. we have an understanding to only meet up after he is fully recover. ..we both doesn't know when.. ..but, i could feel that we both looking forward to this day.

my best friend's theory; "what if.." ...what if he is not recovering? what if he needs another 1 year to recover? what if we will never meet up?.. ..will i be the one who gets the hurt the most at the end of everything. i really don't know. perhaps am trying not to think about it by keep on telling myself, i can't falling in love with him. the purpose of my appearance is only to be there supporting and encouraging him for the recovery.

...perhaps one day, i will disappear from his life. perhaps, that would be the day either he will care or he wouldn't care at all. ..perhaps one day, we will be together..

it's all..about.."what if" and "perhaps" for now...

"some people come in your life for a reason, a season or a life time"

our basketball game

dear boo,

didn't know i was passing by golden mile on sat night. it's been a while i never been there. i could see myself waiting for you on my first arrival in singapore for a long term. in that evening, i sat there passionately for almost 2 hours waited for your appearance. i confidently knew, you will somehow be there even though you were late.

the memories are so real that it brought me to the past again. how i wish i could travel back to times when you were around. i wouldn't deny that, i do still missing you. everyday do pray, you are fine.

love is like a basketball game. the one that you love is your opponent. no matter how strong he is guarding the goal (his heart), you could win the game and hit the strike if you understand and value his weakness. even though, for almost 8 years now, i admit i lost the game because i still not know the really you..perhaps..do you?

how you've been lately? do you still remember me? i do. there is a lots of things i want to share with you especially when i'm in my loneliness - nobody i could share my problems with. you always been the one who could bury my worry away. i still have not find somebody who know how to score the goal in my basketball game.

************************************************************************************

Artist: S.H.E
Song: 你最近還好嗎
Ni Zui Jin Hai Hao Ma
How You've Been Lately

挑一張耶誕卡寫上滿滿祝福的話
tiao yi zhang ye dan ka xie shang man man zhu fu de hua
picked a christmas card and filled it with many blessful sayings
地址寫的是心底
di zhi xie de shi xin di
the address is written on the heart
你能不能收到它
ni neng bu neng shou dao ta
are you able to recieve it?
天有點冷
tian you dian leng
the weather is a bit cold
風有點大
feng you dian da
the wind is a bit windy
城市寧靜而喧嘩
cheng shi ning jing er xuan hua
the city is peaceful yet noisy
這一個冬天我得一個人走回家
zhe yi ge dong tian wo dei yi ge ren zou hui jia
this winter i must go home alone

問自己習慣了嗎
wen zi ji xi guan le ma
(i) ask myself if i am use to it yet
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
mei you ni mei dao ye li hui sheng bian de hao
without you, every night the echos becomes very loud
有沒有什麼好方法
you mei you shen me hao fang fa
is there a good method
讓寂寞更聽話
rang ji mo gen ting hua
to make the loneliness be good?

你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've been lately?
是不是也在思念裏掙扎
shi bu shi ye zai si nian li zhen zha
are you still struggling in the longings?
你說會記得我還記得嗎
ni shuo hui ji de wo hai ji de ma
you've said you'll remember me, do you still remember?
你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've veen lately?
忙碌嗎累嗎心還會痛嗎
mang lu ma lei ma xin hai hui tong ma
are you busy, tired, does your heart still hurt?
如果真不得已忘了我
ru guo zhen bu de yi wang le wo
if you really had to forget me
快向快樂出發
kuai xiang kuai le chu fa
hurry up and head towards happiness

有再多的牽挂都已沒有權利表達
you zai duo fe qian gua duo yi mie you tren li biao da
even if we held hands, (i) still wouldn't have the strength to express (my feelings)
舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尷尬
jiu qing ren gei de wen hou bi mo shen ren hai gan ga
an ex's greeting is more awkward than a stranger's
昨天遠了
zou tian yuan le
yesterday was far
明天還長
ming tian hai chang
tomorrow is still long
回憶模糊但巨大
hui yi mu hu dan ju da
the memories are vague but huge
這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下
zhe yang de shen ye yan lei yao zen yang bu liu xia
how to stop the late night tears from falling?

問自己習慣了嗎
wen zi ji xi guan le ma
(i) ask myself if i am use to it yet
沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
mei you ni mei dao ye li hui sheng bian de hao
without you, every night the echos becomes very loud
有沒有什麼好方法
you mei you shen me hao fang fa
is there a good method
讓寂寞更聽話
rang ji mo gen ting hua
to make the lonliness be good?

你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've been lately?
是不是也在思念裏掙扎
shi bu shi ye zai si nian li zhen zha
are you still struggling in the longings?
你說會記得我還記得嗎
ni shuo hui ji de wo hai ji de ma
you've said you'll remember me, do you still remember?
你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've veen lately?
忙碌嗎累嗎心還會痛嗎
mang lu ma lei ma xin hai hui tong ma
are you busy, tired, does your heart still hurt?
如果真不得已忘了我
ru guo zhen bu de yi wang le wo
if you really had to forget me
快向快樂出發
kuai xiang kuai le chu fa
hurry up and head towards happiness

你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've been lately?
是不是也在思念裏掙扎
shi bu shi ye zai si nian li zhen zha
are you still struggling in the longings?
你說會記得我還記得嗎
ni shuo hui ji de wo hai ji de ma
you've said you'll remember me, do you still remember?
你最近還好嗎
ni zui jin hai hao ma
how you've veen lately?
忙碌嗎累嗎心還會痛嗎
mang lu ma lei ma xin hai hui tong ma
are you busy, tired, does your heart still hurt?
如果真不得已忘了我
ru guo zhen bu de yi wang le wo
if you really had to forget me
快向快樂出發
kuai xiang kuai le chu fa
hurry up and head towards happiness

080808

dear boo,

last friday was the 8th of august of the year of 08. - 080808 - i used to have a wish to get married on this date. -fairy tales dream-

i still on my own being independent. so much so, others could feel there is a layer of protection that they will say, "i'm too strong. losing the soft-side of me".

i still could feel you around. sometimes, do wondering how far you have gone. still wondering what would you be doing at the other sides of the world. - i miss you -

boo, i'm living fine except been going through some medication and weekly clinic visit. i do hope that one day, we could be friend again.

high fever of me

dear boo,

i had a very sick weekend. high fever and restless night.

it felt so suffer and torture as nobody was there taking care of me. few times, i really would like to call you up and asking for your loving gestures. - it might be worthless - i whispered to myself to kill my week intention.

went for 2 times of western doctor and 2 times of traditional chinese medicine doctor. well, it did not break the previous record of 5 times visit and mc for 5 days continuously. had been laying on the bed - helpless and nobody care whether i am alive or death. i dragged myself awake in the midnight to eat medicine, boiled hot water.. nobody was there to buy me foods, but myself to look for it.

i miss you a lots. i went to ang mo kio yesterday afternoon to buy the fish porridge. i remembered how enjoyable the moment we had together while eating our fav porridge all times. are you still visiting that stall? the uncle wasn't there when i were there.

i know you always want me to be strong and to take care of myself. and...this time around, i strive hardly to recover from the devil fever. i know once i'm recover from this, i'm a step further of becoming more indepedent and strong. ...and i definitely know..this will make you proud.

boo, summer is going to end soon. fall season will be greeted beautifully with the autumn leaves. same to me, high fever going to recover soon, and me..will smile as cheerfully as before too.. ...for you...

returning your freedom

boo,

i have frequently listening to this song since we saw each the other day. staring at our photos. memories captured way back before when we separated to our different future, different university. ...we looked so different - so true the teenage love.

no matter how much i miss you nowadays, i have learn to keep them all inside my heart. and i learned to let you go to find your future without appearing in your life anymore.

oftenly, i keep on wondering how are you and forget to ask...how am i?... i still remembered you have always asked me to love myself first before loving others. and i'm continuing learning this chapter.

boo, i'm living fine now. ...new life,new journey...even though the future is still very unsecure; but i'm still very proud of myself on being so strong and bold to continue my journey without you around.

i always believe, there will be a day, we will meet again and fill our day with laughter and smile. and i believe, deep down in your heart, you are still hiding and protecting our friendship.

mrt interchange

dear boo,

never thought we will look into our eyes again ever since half year ago.

i was very tired and sleepy as usual when the clock reaching 930pm. furthermore, after a very exhausted day trip to batam with colleagues. while walking at the travellator moving towards the red line in the dhoby ghout interchange, we saw each other and "staring" - while you were on the opposite sides. in front of you was her. happily, smiling talking about something. i know we were surprised to saw each other again. - unbelievable -

the moment passed quite slow. i saw you wearing the old light grey shirt and i guess you are still taking the same sling bag. you are still that skinny. you look great as before. you are still physically same the chin yoong, i knew.

i realised i was freezed while i stand in the mrt. no feeling, not thinking, and...i'm disappeared together with your shadow. - i miss you -

i thought i could cried. i thought i will feel extremely pain. but, i still lost myself until now. i really wish we can meet each other again.

saying, "should be happy for the memories we had and should not be suffering of what we have lost now". i deeply appreciate to have a good friend like you for the past few years. a friend who never leave me, never abandon me and sincerely love and care for me.

it is really hard to love you, to miss you - while doing the blessing from far.

.... i really miss you.

missing you - again

dear boo,

it is another weekend nearer to august. towards to the most painful in memories of the month of august - last year. it is so painful until i could feel it repetitively. ..sorry, naive, helpless.. that little guy. if you still remember how it is feel like.

had a 'long' holiday. went to taipei and went back home. felt so much relax..enjoy yet missing you a lots. perhaps, that's the reason why i love make myself busy with work. even though sometimes it is so exhausted, though, i guess, at least it is so much better than the feeling of thinking of you, missing you yet...i don't have the courage of letting you know.


*taipei sky*

everytime, whenever i'm thinking of you, before sending you any sms, i'll ask myself, am i ready to see you again without getting hurt? it is so painful that you had left me without a goodbye. it is so painful to imagine the happy moment we used to have and i have lost it all now. i miss being by your sides and filled our night with nonsense jokes and laughter. i love sitting besides you - comfortably even silences fill the sky.

how are you? where do you live now?

...i miss you, chin yoong.


*bracing with luck & to remind myself of him*

today is a gift

dear boo,

i went to johor bahru yesterday...purpose? um..no purpose. it was such a "lengthy", "irritating" and "tiring" trip. it was so traffic congested even before reaching the sg custom and the queue in the custom...scary and .......super crowded! it took me almost 2 and half hour to reach the destination.

above all, yet..i treat myself a movie - kung fu panda. it is kinda funny and it feels alright to watch alone. there is a sentence in the movie touches me. we might hear it before, but, it does feels different at a different stage of life. .....yesterday is a history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift; that's why it is call present. hope we does appreciate everyday of our life.

boo, it is already end june. how are you? are you still in capitaland? i'm still passing through the same station going to work. i miss you.

可以不可以 - can you or can't you

dear boo,

recently i fall in love with this song, "can you or can't you" (可以不可以)written by mayday ashin.
'you are my world..like sun, your world of me..like butterfly'

can you or can't you make me return to that day i suddenly grew up
可不可以讓我回到　突然長大那一天
that moment, his kiss, changed my world
那一刻　他的吻　改變我的世界
can you or can’t you make this summer, this story last forever
可不可以這個夏天　這些故事能永遠
beside the track, outside the lines, the more we walk the farther we’ve gone
球場邊　界外線　我們巳越走越遠

i can draw a circle, shut myself in side, force my memories outside
我可以劃一個圈　把自己關在裡面　把回憶擋在外面
but i can’t stop yearning, his kindness and fickleness are expanding in my skies
卻不能停止想念　在我的天空蔓延　他有的善良和善變
i can draw a circle and call it a perfect period, return his free blue skies
我可以劃一個圈　當作是完美句點　還他自由的藍天
but I can’t stop yearning, a brief sweet picture, if i abandon all of this
卻不能停止想念　一幕幕甜美畫面　如果放棄了這一切
then the soul inside my body... who is it?
那麼在我身體裡的靈魂　是誰

can you or can’t you make me learn how to smile through a broken heart
可不可以讓我練習　心碎時候有笑臉
waiting for him to be far away before my tears can fall
等著他　已走遠　才能落下眼淚
can you or can’t you make me disappear from the horizon, this moment
可不可以讓我消失　在地平線這瞬間
i’ve cried, cooled off, faced the wind but cannot fly
哭過了　冷卻了　起風了卻不能飛

so i can continue to embrace my broken heart
所以我可以　一直擁抱　心碎

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeXKXAXSxnk&feature=related

i am very good

dear boo,

same as yesterday, i'm very exhausted now after knocking off quite late from work. super sleepy....and was lied on the bed - the light was turned off...on my sleeping position... however..

doesn't know why, i miss you suddenly. and this blog was created.

"i am very good" as song from a singer. lyric written by ashin mayday. by coincidently heard this song.. feels bit touchy..feels bit glad..feels thankful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFOBnFVlFV8&feature=related
http://209.85.171.104/translate_c?hl=en&sl=zh-TW&u=http://mp3.baidu.com/m%3Ftn%3Dbaidump3%26ct%3D134217728%26lm%3D-1%26word%3D%25C1%25F5%25C8%25F4%25D3%25A2%2520%25CE%25D2%25BA%25DC%25BA%25C3&prev=/search%3Fq%3D%25E5%258A%2589%25E8%258B%25A5%25E8%258B%25B1%2B%25E6%2588%2591%25E5%25BE%2588%25E5%25A5%25BD%2Benglish%2Btranslation%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26hs%3DNot%26sa%3DG

i'm living fine, boo. i do...
i do still miss you...i do...
tell me stupid..tell me naive..but..nothing i can do.

沙發上睡著孤單冷醒的破曉冷的麵條熱的眷炕@啤酒在苦笑當時的煎熬當時的心痛如絞天終於亮了遺憾終於退潮

終於能夠恨不再瘋略ㄕA掉心不逃一定會有一個人一段新的美好

誰讓我擁抱誰讓我再一次心跳就算愛情讓我再次的跌倒傷痕也要是一種驕傲誰讓我擁抱誰讓我瘋狂的心跳就算明天整個城市要傾倒也讓我愛到最後一秒

丟掉電影票刪掉信件跟合照洗了床單剪了頭髮清空了煩惱恨可以很小小到眼盔鄖R掉我現在很好可以重新起跑

終於能夠恨不再瘋略ㄕA掉心不逃一定會有一個人一段新的美好

誰讓我擁抱誰讓我再一次心跳就算愛情讓我再次的跌倒傷痕也要是一種驕傲誰讓我擁抱誰讓我瘋狂的心跳就算明天整個城市要傾倒也讓我愛到最後一秒

地鐵湧出了人潮幸福湧出了預兆我會找回當初對愛天真的霸道

誰讓我擁抱誰讓我再一次心跳就算愛情讓我再次的跌倒傷痕也要是一種驕傲誰讓我擁抱誰讓我瘋狂的心跳就算明天整個城市要傾倒也讓我愛到最後一秒誰讓我擁抱誰讓我瘋狂的心跳就算明天整個城市要傾倒也讓我愛到最後一秒

movies week

dear boo,

it was a very tired and exhausted week to me. besides being too stress of getting most of the important things done before my boss on leave for two weeks, i have attended to two movies continuously in a row after works - accuracy of death and premier of sex and the city -

both are great movie to watch. kinda hilarious but still brought some messages to my life. especially from the first movie. it is beautifully connected and worth to watch. meanwhile, the second movie, i believe it would be one of the movie that you will have - perhaps you have watched by now. on the evening, when i got the free tickets to this premier, the first person came to me for the invitation would be you and i know, you will definitely interested. but, at the end, i went myself.

for the next two weeks, i foresee i will be in a schedule of busy and stress. yet, i told myself, i can go through it. i'm scare, but i still believe the capability in me and me who you always believe in. always feels if you are still here keeping in touch with me, you will still support me.

boo, there are so many great things happened to my life. hope you will be happy for me.

balance of a dragonfly

dear boo,

it is a very hot and sunny day. to other countries, it is summer now. how are you? where are you? what are you doing?...

trying to gets a nap. but, doesn't know why. when i closed my eyes, i tried to think of how do you look like. i start to feel, i almost...almost can't recall your face. trying to think back our memories. the way, you commented on the appearance of me, the way i act onto something that doesn't pleased you, the way we stared at the same things and laughed; the way the kid was carried through by his parent and hit his head to the table...few times, the kid just hold his head and look back to these tables - helpless. the time we spent the whole evening at east cost park - cycling. the way you look at me and cried - hopeless as you doesn't know what decision you need to made.

boo, if you are to close your eyes now, will you still remember how do i look like? when i smile and when i cry. the way i acted cute and you don't know what to do with it.

i can't forget - everything.

people might said, the purpose of i'm doing all this is because i want to "own" you, instead of really love you. there is a time, i have been asking myself the same question.

love. simply pure and simply simple and simple ordinary. simply hope the person you love will be happy. will we meet again? if one day, if there is something bad happened on me, in my phone book, will you still the one i will call to? i don't know if that day come. i know, if it is now, i will still.

balance of a dragonfly. i'm still seeking the balance of life which you always have been teaching me and that's the reason you are leaving me behind. once breathless, now, i'm living much stronger because of you.

i'll be doing fine, boo. hope you will too.

...i will still smile...

***************************************************
好不好 Will You/Is It Alright? - mayday

I don’t know if it’s right or if it’s wrong; I don’t know if it’s alright or if it’s not
I don’t know if you’ll laugh at me for being foolish

Summer, an afternoon of thunderstorms, missing you, I don’t know where you are
I really wish to see your smiling face

Your warmth fills up my lonely heart
I can’t keep on waiting, I want to say to you

Let you think, let you guess, whose nights are filled with worry
Worrying about heartless wind, heartless rain, blocking our road

Your hurts, your regrets, holding you in my two hands
In this life, my one wish is to give you happiness, is that alright

Some days are sweet and some are arduous, but I have you, we take care of each other
I want to hear your heartfelt thoughts

My dear, are you listening to me speak, my dear, is it really alright
Are you still worried about me, trusting me is still the difficult decision you have to make

Your warmth fills up my lonely heart
My waiting can’t keep on this way, I want to say to you

sky of love

dear boo,

last night i have watched this japanese movie "sky of love". it's been sometimes i did not cried so "much" and this movie made me so.

it's a romantic and touching movie - inspiring the power of true love. true love is not the matter of owning the person you love. but, to hope and always wish she / he will live in the happiness and with blessing.

true love is someone who will continue supporting you even she / he is far aways from you. even though, both of you did not meet anymore. even when you are giving your last breath, you will still hope she / he is smiling at you, instead of crying because of losing you.

prayer of blessing, to you, boo.

ashin's blog

dear boo,

lately, i have been catching up with a blog from ashin (lead singer of mayday - a taiwanese band) at http://translate.google.com.sg/translate?hl=en&sl=zh-TW&u=http://blog.sina.com.cn/musiq&sa=X&oi=translate&resnum=1&ct=result&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhttp://blog.sina.com.cn/musiq%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26hs%3DZoV with the translate version of the blog.

can't deny that i'm deeply in love with their music, especially on ashin's blog and how he blog about the world's news. today, his latest blog on the earthquake of sichuan again. i like the paragraph of mentioning:
"fear with no cry, no tear, no loneliness; when we stand together as a nation".

doesn't know why, lately, there are disaster keep on happening to the mother earth. god punishment? or god reviewing the time has come?

lately, have been thinking, maybe i should channel this blog to something i really want to write about, instead of "talking" with you. i don't know....much adjustment to be work on for this blog.

each second passed by...how much we could seize for the memory?

happy birthday to myself

dear boo,

good morning. it is a birthday morning for me. i keep on telling myself, it should be an ordinary day with ordinary me. boo.. it is really hard not to think and hope you will still wish me a birthday prayer. i know never hope anything from you anymore.

time passed. it is almost 5 months since we talked, we met. you are still a friend who is very important to me. not keeping in touch with you doesn't mean i don't care. it just hope you will live better. does know whether we will meet each other again or not. whatever it is, i still make a little prayer that you are healthly, wiser and fine.

thank you for everything.

happy birthday to myself...

counting down - my birthday

dear boo,

it is near my birthday - again. feels complicated..feels not right...guess, feels missing you. wouldn't know how the day will pass. maybe another ordinary working day. maybe another day of really thinking of you.

will you still remember my birthday? time passed. still do hope you are doing find.

温柔 Tenderness 詞曲：阿信
"Walking in the wind, today the sun has suddenly turned quite mild and tender
The heavens are tender, the earth is tender, just like you holding me
Then suddenly I discover you’ve changed and I’ll be lonely from now on;
If it’s cold, how should I pass the days

The wind and light in the heavens, me by your side, you don’t see any of it
I’ve never understood what was hidden in your eyes
It doesn’t matter, your world makes you feel complete;
Not disturbing you is my tenderness

I don’t know, don’t understand, don’t want to ask why my heart
So clearly wants to get closer but is alone until daybreak
I don’t know, don’t understand, don’t want to ask why my heart
Always finds the beauty of love in loneliness,
I’ll give my best love to you once more

Unconsciously, unwillingly, I return to your alley once again
I don’t cry and I don’t smile, because it’s all a dream
No prerequisites, no excuses, have you said it all before
If you have, I’ll let you have your freedom.

I don’t know, don’t understand, don’t want to ask why my heart
So clearly wants to get closer but is alone until daybreak
I don’t know, don’t understand, don’t want to ask why my heart
Always finds the beauty of love in loneliness,
I’ll give my best love to you once more

This is my tenderness…"

making you proud

dear boo,

how are you? it's been some times, we did not keep in touch anymore. i do still thinking about you. how's your life? your working environment, your health and your well-being.

almost drop you an email today. but, inner heart pulling me from doing so.

want to update you on few things that has been happened. who else i can talk to except you who know the best of me. something that for sure will make you proud.

do take care. as i will always.

just wondering

dear boo,

how are you lately? i still thinking about you and wish you are fine at somewhere out there. how's your work life? the place you are staying now? you life..

i'm fine over here. time passed. putting my whole self into working life. it is tough, but, i still enjoying much. i guess that is the spirit that keep me alive at work.

still missing you. it is lesser? i'm not too sure. but, whenever i'm missing you, it really can be keep in heart and it would not gets pain.

boo, no matter what has happened, you are always my best friend.

just a reminder, you have a friend in me who will never walk away.

may god bless you.

when i think of you

SENTOSA FLOWERS 2008
17 FEB 08

stranger?

dear boo,

just after talking with my best friend. telling her that how much i miss you, as friend. she analyzed the whole situation and make me understand that, there will be a day, if you still treat me as friend, you will contact me back.

give you time, give myself time as well to recover. don't rush things out. we will be fine. if i really love this friend, i should let you know that i'm living fine and well; so, you will feels more peaceful and grateful that my life fill with blessing.

i feels so sad because there is really nothing i can do to save back our friendship.

i don't hope we will become a stranger. i promise you i will take care of myself.

friendship

dear boo,

i thought i will have no more courage to write in this blog anymore after receiving comment from your friend. it took me few days of "hiding" myself from my own blog space. but...i come to realize, i don't need to prove to anyone of the facts that has happened, that has hurt both of us cruelly. and i don't need to make campaign around to have friends voting for me instead of you.

past have make us stronger - wiser - live life to fullest. i got nothing to prove than telling you i really care for you. i really care of losing a friend like you.

friendship same like relationship as well - needs both hands to clap. i don't know what you thinking. perhaps, you do feels worry of falling into the same 'so-called' friendship trap.

all takes time.

believe it or not...i really do not wish to lost a friend like you. if there is a day, all friends are leaving you and you lost, please remember, you have a friend in me. i will not leave you high and low. no matter what, i'll be there.

till we meet again - become friends again, boo, please take good care.

"quick fixes are nice when they happen. but when first responders rush to a serious accident, any emergency treatment is usually just the beginning of a long process of care and rehabilitation. the same can be expected when it comes to the challenge of restoring wounded hearts."

happy birthday!

dear boo,

happy belated birthday!

i did not forget your birthday on the 9th feb - at 00:00am, i was driving while shouted "chinyoong, happy birthday! wishing you have a blessing year ahead. all dreams come true. hope you are happy and blissful." - hope so much these words could be delivered through air and heard by you.

the first things on my mind when i was awake in the morning was wishing you again, "happy birthday". i did not forget till the end of this special day. it was hard. almost failed to drop you a birthday sms wishes. i guess, this is the first time since our 7 years friendship, this friend seems like forgotten your birthday. - i did not, boo -

on 22nd of this month - also 16 of 1st month of chinese lunar calendar is your 27th birthday. i did not forget. every single things about you is nailed on my mind.

boo, how is your birthday passed? i still hope you will have the best time. wishing you a wonderful year ahead. in all aspects.

take good care.

sun yat fai lok! - chinese (cantonese) sang ngit fai lok - chinese (hakka) otanjou-bi omedetou gozaimasu! - japanese selamat hari jadi - malay bonna fete - french

stick with u - pussycat dolls

i don't wanna go another day,
so i'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
seems like everybody's breaking up
throwing their love away,
but i know i got a good thing right here
that's why i say (hey)

[Chorus:]
nobody gonna love me better
i must stick with you forever.
nobody gonna take me higher
i must stick with you.
you know how to appreciate me
i must stick with you, my baby.
nobody ever made me feel this way
i must stick with you.

i don't wanna go another day
so i'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
see the way we ride in our private lives,
ain't nobody getting in between.
i want you to know that you're the only one for me (one for me)
and I say

[chorus]

and now
ain't nothing else i can need (nothing else i can need)
and now
i'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me.
i got you,
we'll be making love endlessly.
i'm with you (baby, i'm with you)
baby, you're with me (baby, you're with me)

so don't you worry about
people hanging around,
they ain't bringing us down.
i know you and you know me
and that's all that counts.
so don't you worry about
people hanging around,
they ain't bringing us down.
i know you and you know me
and that's why i say

"sprained my fingers"

dear boo,

you were 'home' again - probably yesterday or today. you took all the letters away. you still left the room untidy. everytime open the door, all the memories seems like happening yesterday - so real, so fresh - time when we watched csi, american next top models, heroes, ugly betty; catching up some funny videos posted in youtube; rent dvds during weekends night; drafting your report till 3am when we both only able to gets most 4 hours rest; pillow fights; fashion shows; uplifting each other every time we encounter challenges in our life.

i still appreciate deeply these times we had spent together. nothing else now - but i miss you.

i have been "appear offline" in msn since you left. i don't have the answer why i'm doing so. last night, first time since i saw you online. tempted to drop you a line of keeping in touch. but, something was holding me back from doing so. i guess you were in the office and you only left around 9pm. really hope you are fine there - proper meals and proper rest.

saw you online again this evening with the caption "sprained my fingers... =("; you left around 730pm, i guess you have a dinner appointment.

how are you, boo? everything sailing smoothly? why you will sprained your fingers? it is pain? how's work? how well you have done in the appraisal and your ex-gratia? are you satisfy? what's your career planning?

boo, i still wish to see you again. do you still remember me?

sick again

dear boo,

it's been few days i did not drop any blog. was a very busy week. i even missed the fountain wishes. heart just can't stop thinking about it.

last saturday morning, you came back here and packed all stuff away. heart feel pain each time knowing you did stepped into this house again. was having high fever during the weekend again. too much pain each time thinking about you are not around taking care of me.

i miss you.

how are you boo?

missing you

dear boo,

the feeling of missing is getting so real and deep these few days. i don't know why.

i cried last night to sleep. i know it is the tear of missing you. it is going to be almost 1 month soon, we did not keep in touch since. i miss you.

many times i really hope i could have the courage to call or sms you. but, i know, what's the point? you said you got nothing to talk to me anymore. there ain't nothing till you still don't want to see me. i miss you.

i don't know how many things i have missed from you life. - each detailing..
i don't know will you somehow did think of me.
i don't know will we be seeing each other again.
i don't know will we become a stranger to each other soon.

all i know about is the prayer of blessing into your life is never been decrease since you left.

i miss you. even just a friend. you still meant so much for you.

hope you will read this.

love takes time

dear boo,

it's ~another saturday~ again.

yes. i went to suntec wealth fountain again. making the same wish and same dedication. again, this time round, the dj read the dedication out with few comments.. "..i have the same dedication as per last week".."where does boo goes?".."hope they will really see other again"..

the dj played the song i picked this week - love takes time by mariah carey. when the dedication was being displayed, i could hear people surrounding me reading the sentence out word by word. i just staring at the dedication and enjoying the song.

..i do miss you..

where are you boo?
how are you boo?
how's your work, boo?
..do you think of me as well boo?



************************************************

love takes time lyric
oh, ohhhhhh, oh, I am...
i had it all
but I let it slip away
couldn't say I treated you wrong
now I wander around
feeling down and cold
trying to believe that you're gone

chorus:
love takes time
to heal when you're hurting so much
couldn't see that I was blind
to let you go
i can't escape the pain
inside
'cause love takes time
i don't wanna be here
i don't wanna be here
alone

losing my mind
from this hollow in my heart
suddenly I'm so incomplete
lord I'm needing you now
tell me how to stop the rain
tears are falling down endlessly

bad day?

dear boo,

it was really a tough and super stress day for me.

thought that it will pretty fine and could somehow able to "sneak" out to celebrate my manager's birthday - tea-break.

1st thing in the morning right after i had changed my uniform, my 2nd boss mobitalk me requesting me to attend exco-briefing. (as big boss is in business trip, my boss is on exam leave and this 2nd boss need to bring his son to doctor). i was surprised! and at the same time super scary. imagine to sitting down at the round table with leather executive chairs reporting to all the exco member from ALL the departments! ..he is really kidding me.. (zappp back to reality); my 2nd boss is requesting me to prepare all necessary data and get ready for all the information. his main concern, "don't simply sit at any chair - there will be designated chair for everyone"

905hrs - 1st exco member went in surprisingly seeing me and ya..of course without he doubting he went into wrong meeting room, i explained to him why i'm there.

915hrs - exco morning briefing start. i was the last one to report and i don't feel that nervous because some of the exco members also attending the weekly projects meeting. so, we know each other quite well. the best things are, they do remember my name. :)

exco morning briefing went smoothly - not big ticket items; but, back to my spa project budget issue. dato asking me to arrange a meeting to discuss about the worksheet i done together with my boss night before with taking account some cost engineering which done by the tenderer.

so, i went ahead to arrange the meeting. things go "ti-ti-ta-ta"...

1230hrs - dato called me and "scolded" (lecture) me of not being do work on-hand - delaying, not 'kan-cheung', etc. i got no way to defense, but to apologize. i know i can't fight-back. deep inside, i know i didn't do anything wrong and i have done my part and due diligent. i really don't feel guilty. i cried after that. feels so bad. at the point of time, i really do want to ring you up and tell you the whole story. but, i remembered you told me once,

"now what you have to do is to rectify whatever tasks that have been commented. get things done. save the time of being sad, down and complaining to others. like me, no matter how sad i am, i will only complaint or talk about it at the end of the day."

i hold myself back together and arrange whatever is necessary and i prepared myself for the meeting at 1430hrs.

1430hrs - project budget meeting. both datos were there. i did my best answering all that i know and they did not comment much after my explanation but to tidy the whole worksheet because it is pretty messy. (at least, i have the chance to explain the budget cost).

1515hrs - finance director called me to go to her office to sort the worksheet together. at first, she don't feels comfortable with my present (i'm still an assistance so-to-speak). however, after a while sitting with her with my explanation, she gets pretty nice and friendly with me. she even told me what to do and what not to do; to think how the bosses and owner think; to question yourself what are the expected questions that owner will post; what to present and not; how to make the figures talking to the bosses. she really taught me a lots during the session with her until 1745hrs. finally, we gets everything done in the 'perfect way'. we are very happy and she is confidently leave the whole worksheet for me to explain to dato on tomorrow morning.

1800hrs till 2030hrs - re-configure every figures and explain to my bosses (my boss + iL) through email. hope my boss could understand what has happened and he will go to the battle together with me on tomorrow morning.

i really don't know is this still consider a "bad day" for me? put it in another thought, this day i have really learned a lots - in a tough way, i guess.

froggie dear froggie

dear boo,

it was a pretty tough working day for me - managing a difficult people (one of the manager); failure of the sound insulation to my temporary gym project; issue of not matched bricks to the bar column insulation project; and the list goes. everything seems to go hair-wire. - sad -

however, after the weekly projects meeting and when thought about the froggie that i sent for dry cleaning on last sunday - 30 dec 07, i feel something i should be happy for.

day become more brighter when i called up the laundry shop and telling me the froggie is ready for collection - which it should be yesterday. i totally leave all my unsolved projects issue behind; looking forward to see my "clean" froggie.

it has been 6 years plus, it never been washed. *yikes* *eeee* *yucky* ...yea...and i don't know where i found the "courage" to bring the froggie to wash. it's not i'm lazy or stingy. is because i really scare it will spoil the froggie. we don't know what will happened right?

taking the risk, i brought it to the laundry shop in junction8. feel bit "shy" at first, but, i just pulled out the froggie from a paper bag. the lady was like..."ohh...a soft toy ha... let's see" (by pressing the calculator), she said "umm..this cost sgd 22.40 ya" and i said, "ok" (because i have asked before roughly how much it cost). Doubtfully, she looked at me and say, "it is very expensive leh...you sure???"...i smiled and replied..."yes.." ..she noted and process the documentation. "you only can collect it next sunday." she continued. i was like "huh, so long it take?? can it be any earlier??" "no, miss. this is our normal duration for collection." after i made the payment, i just left quietly. deep inside my heart, i do really hope, the froggie will be alright.

waited for whole week, finally yesterday night reached, i went to the laundry shop and claimed for the froggie. the lady can't find the froggie even by searching for the whole shop. i was eagerly stand there and waiting for her answer.."where is my froggie?"

after 5 minutes of searching and confirming, she told me the factory still not bring the froggie back to the shop. she will check with the factory and ensuring me i could get back the froggie by tomorrow night. i was like, "you sure of that? last week you told me only took 7 days. nothing went wrong to the soft toy right?"
"yes. we will call them later." i looked at her and disappointed said "please, check for me and i need to have back the soft toy by tomorrow night, ok?"
"yes, you will. what colour is the soft toy?"..."umm....green?!"
"ok, what is that actually?"..i start to feel bit shy again.."fr-og?!"..."uh..it's a frog?" "ya..just the head of the frog"...she smiled a bit and said, "thanks, it is easier to check with my factory"..then, i laughed, "thanks.."

-----------------------------

today, 750pm - junction8, laundry shop
"hi..i called just now. would like to take this" - the receipt 'customer copy' is shown to her.
she just took a glance of the receipt and quickly said "oh, that frog ha! ok, wait ya!"
..."you sound very 'kan-cheung' with this ha?" she commented.
"ya..it has been sleeping with me for almost 6 years plus." i took the froggie from her that wrapped in a nice clear covered plastic bag.
"so..you hugged it every night, it isn't?"...i just smiled means "yes.."
"ok. thanks! bye bye!"

i just leave happily...looking at the froggie - it is in good condition.

it smell better of course...

i miss you

dear boo,

it was another saturday - without you around.

i went to suntec - again - making the same wish and dedication. last night the dedication was "to: boo from: moo hope we will see each other again. i miss you" with the song dedication, "big girl don't cry from fergie". this time, this dedication was read out by the dj.

it was a raining night. crowded. super crowded and the fountain was circled by students from victorion junior school as part of their orientation. they performed 6 dancing songs under the rain. it was quite cool and enjoyable to see their "young" spirit. all the tourists were amazed to see their performance as well - rather *wild things* to do. - when we were still young -

i miss you.

communication thoughts

dear boo,

would like to share some events that i have seen and heard for the day - 3rd day of year 08.

morning - in the mrt - journey from newton to orchard
a dark, gloomy mrt tunnel turn into something to look at. part of the wall were decorated with the tvs advertisement panel. very interesting. one of the ad would be m&m chocolates! if you are staying in the red line, i believe you should have seen that. - m&m - remind me of times i was so craved for as part of the stress management and you just kept on complaining that what's on earth this woman will eat chocolate first thing in the morning before going to work.
http://www.marketing-interactive.com/news/4363

evening - orchard's mrt underground passageway
during these time - everyday, there is a blind man will sit there - at the same spot - playing music instruments and sing different songs. today, he sang "i swear" from boyz ii men. it was really a heart-catching song - for me at least. everytime walking passed this place, me myself will automatically channeling myself in hearing what he has for "us" - mrt pedestrian - students, workers, parents, lovers and even tourists. he never let the passageway gets silent. he has a wonderful voice to sing whatever songs.

evening - toa payoh's underground passageway
there is this beggar which has no arm at all and there is a pair of junior school students - a boy and a girl. both of them was walking in front of me and suddenly this girl "talking" to this boy something like - "look, that man has no arms at all" - in their sign language. the boy simply reply to her with another set of sign language; while both of them curiously keep on looking at the beggar even though they had stepped on the going-up escalator - silences between them. they did not "communicate" much, but communicated "enough" of what they want to share to each others.

then-after, it make me thought things that happened between us. maybe we have communicate too much because we can "talk" - expressing ourselves better. maybe that's the reason why, we did not communicate for almost 2 weeks now. and you claimed there are nothing we need to talk about - we have talked all.

too little of communication = we will lost someone important
too much of communication = we will still lost someone important
communicate what is enough = we would maintain someone important

brewerkz - our fav salad

dear boo,

just another salary earning day...

how's your position as building executive goes for the day? i feel quite "nice" today even though was running around and time seems not enough for everything. in the midst of my busy schedules, my boss mobitalk me and requesting me to go back office to meet him and iL - "urgently". i thought what has happened and what have i done wrong - again.. hmm..

come from nowhere, iL was praising my effort in work in front of my boss. he recognize my work and telling my boss of my efficiency in getting tasks on hand done. - i was like..okie..then? it just that! iL just deliberating and he even say "thank you" - i was like...oh, okie! totally dumb - ..that's what "urgently" for?

i just smiled at heart while walking out from iL's office and at that point of time i really wish to tell you about this. i feel so great that - finally - i got to prove i'm different from the project engineer, cH. that's the belief you always have in me. that's the encouragement you always remind me whenever i got the downtime in the projects management.

sometimes, a simple acknowledgment is really worth all that you know you should deserve for.

boo, thank you. if we are still like before, for sure tonight we will going for our favorite salad in brewerkz as celebration.

unorganize 'missing' blog

dear boo,

new year celebration ended. today, is already the 2nd day of the new year. feels much like "just another day". ..exhausted..tired after knock-off from work.

how are you recently? it's been quite a while did not hear you complaining about the workplace - boss(es), colleague(s), contractor(s) and tenant(s). the challenges of the waterproofing, landscape, claims, contract, etc... miss the updates.

time really passed fast. it is going to be 2 weeks, we did not keep in touch. miss catching dinner with you.

are you able to catch up the finale of the pussycat dolls tonight? miss those time, we ate breads as dinner while enjoying the show.

..brain half-death now.. even though life still goes on, i know, i still miss you a lots.

better single than sorry

dear boo,

i just completed reading this self-help book "better single than sorry" by jennifer scheff. i never doubt this is really the right book for me to read, in which i simply picked up from the popular book shelves. it does make me understand to live life as single. a lots of encouragement i have gained from the book. however, i wouldn't deny it does not completely make me forget about the hurt and wouldn't denying myself from missing you. it just make me realizing i have to really love myself and responsible with my own happiness than, devoting it to a man.

after this, i will continue discover another book with title: "the secret of letting go" by guy finley.

i will take care.

'08 countdown

dear boo,

5.4..3..2..1..happy new year! it is already the 1st day of the brand new year 08. to many people, new year is a new start. probably, it means the same to you.

i spent whole night "half-awake-half-death" in my workplace till 3am this morning. counting down with "high-class" people in the lobby. people who attended the party looks very enjoyed and "high" after few glasses of free-flow wine. they danced whole night.

during the countdown, i really don't feel anything at all. it's true - it just another reason for people to gets dressed and party wild. wishing unknown people with the same greeting. -fake-

i just hang around with my close colleagues. we even went to brix to chill out after the exhausted day (working since 9am in the morning). it was cool to be in a place where people know you - free drinks and colleagues who are friendly enough to hug you and kiss on you cheek - yikes!.. i can't recall how many hugs i have received, especially from guys. -it just the western culture- ..i need to practice it and used to it as i am part of the international management.

party end and life is goes on.