Time flies. It's been 3 months I have start a new life here in Singapore. Everything seems sailing smooth. Kinda used to the life here, others than concentrate in building up the career, there is nothing much happening around. Most of my time spending in the Hotel. Facing many different kinds of people with different expectation, standard and ideal of life.
In this piece of note, I would like to share about..yess.. relationship again. I don't know..I guess, I'm handling this issue at the weakest way. I always trust myself in study and now career. I believe, besides career, money, family & friend to form a live, relationship-love form part of it as well.
When a man does not love you, no matter how much you care for him, spending your time on his stuff, no matter how much you sacrificing yourself for this man; he will somehow still ignoring you by not keeping in touch, making you invisible eventhough a soulful life standing in front of him but he is talking on the phone, he will scold you for nothing, giving you 'black-face' unnecessarily, treating you like a stranger, etc...etc.. The funny fact is, he might make you cry tonight, you hate him a lots, but when the sunrise again in the next morning, you will feels this man worth you to repeat those 'loving him' things again. Is this call, 'you are easy-forgiveness?' or 'too naive?'...If you too love in this man, you will consulting yourself..'ahh..forget it..just live with it..'
Man can be so selfish in many ways. To man, woman is selfish if she is doing things which she herself think (own judgement), it will be good for him without analyzing (standing on his shoes) how awful he feel when all the time, everything he is forcing himself to accept it. It might be the most unreasonable selfishness to woman's point of view; yet..it is the most unforgiveable selfishness to a man who does not love her. Sound so deep..Naive woman..will think.."ahh..whatever..I just love him..am I wrong?"
I do miss someone now. I don't know where is him now. I dare not to sms-ing him. Just pretending does not think of him, even though most of the time I do..think of him. I wish so much watch Transformers with him. When you are being rejected at the 1st time, you probably will try the 2nd time, however, if it is being rejected again, I trust you will be named as 'thick-skin' if you inviting for the 3rd time. It's not only the disappointment you will feels..but, also..you will feels terrible of forcing him to make a decision. So, I have making up my decision of watching it on my own. In order everyone HAPPY! Many times, I can't find the courage to extend another movie invitation to him for the Ratalouille. I don't know..it's just disappointment over another disappointment. I will feels scare.
I do wish to go somewhere for a holiday. Somewhere... Man just too dumb to gets the hint when a gal telling about a holidays means she want to experience it with you. Man just too stupid to say, "Well..you can go with xxx or zzz". He loves to say this sentence.. Anyhow, this is an excuse of telling you..he is occupied by somethings..or he is not interested. Gals..get the hint? Live with it.
At this stage, I'm losing the confidence in a relationship. Loving someone is not that simple as describe in any dictionary. Through him, I see myself better. Many things I don't worth to be loved in return. However, I'm trying to build up my courage to continue living in a life of just giving out love without expecting any in return. Definitely..not an easy lesson!..
"Courage is not the absence of fear... but rather the judgement... that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever... but the cautious do not live at all.."
