Lately, I have been asking myself..."What is the purpose I am still here?" ...Am I really here because of his one sentence "long distance will not work out in me.." ...All my friends who knows the stories, were asking me to move out from his radius. Start a new life on my own and stop keeping in touch with him. But...I defended. I really can't do that. No matter how tough emotionally is and will be, I will keep on trying on built-up our friendship again.
I start to channelling myself into a picture of instead of 'want him to consider me again' to 'really giving my best to him, in order I could really take care of him'.. Dreams of staying with him and taking care of him was the dream I had long time ago before we set apart to University...(our language : pulau sing and pulau ping - spoke out on last night being as a very loving couple sitting facing the sea in Gurney Drive, Penang) ..**suddenly remember the first time, he learned ironing cloths at my home..back in year 2001**makes me laugh now when drafting this blog**
I feel it's my responsibility to take care everything that involve him - from doing all the houseworks, shops for groceries to all the minor-minor issues. I will make sure everything to anything is completed in good manner everyday. For him to come home feels comfortable and relax, that's my aim everyday before and after works. Why I'm doing this? Besides my own selfishness (as he loves to relate all these with it), it's also part of want him to feels blessed about his life. I know, there are so much things he want to accomplish but..he still not manage to achieve his big dreams. Oftenly, he do feels he have nothing; even though I always believe he has the power to change nothing to something.
I'm busy at work as well...but it's been few times, automatically when the clock shows 530pm, I found myself would want to rush back home as soon as possible to finish up all the necessary houseworks for the day. I will bring home the work to finish them up after all the houseworks are all done. Oftenly, I love to leave office a.s.a.p. because of this; but..also sometimes, I do caught in the emotion of loneliness because he is not able to be around for me.
How I wish him to know........ I really really hope you are appreciating me.
No comments:
Post a Comment