my week was actually started great. everything is new and i do feels want to explore more into this "stranger". rirst 3 days was very busy of settling down - going to GHS to report myself, medical checkup, banking stuff and others. yet, until the end of the week, i start to feels very lonely. he was busy with his works and own circle of life. he has no extra time to entertain me. ya...I try to survive here without anyone. i try to be strong. i try to prove to myself that i can be on my own taking care of myself. i even try to prove to him, it's alright, you have no worries on me, i'll find own entertainment. yet, somehow, something missing. - Care and Love -
it is really lonely when you take the mrt ride for 45 mins from office-home without anyone there. everyone in the mrt is a stranger to you. it is also lonely when you have dinner on your own and even when you got things to share but no one is hearing you. gosh........I don't hope I'm falling into the depressing mood.
at this moment...ya...I miss him a lots. I don't know where is he now. I can't ask when he did not say. This is one of our rules. i don't know what time he will be home. he just said...."very very very very late in the midnight".
it's so weird. it's kinda "struggling". no matter how much you love someone. you can't let him know either show him. you know there is a bad affect if you are doing it. in order you don't want to lost something in which you are quite happy for, you wouldn't do more than that to scare him off.
I know the fact, we can't be get back together anymore. The feelings are long gone. Almost 5 years - we are separated by different location and life zones. The spark no longer functioning. If I'm looking forward there is any chances, I know I'm just being very silly and naive. His life has been move on long time ago. I just hope no matter what I am doing now, is only those of the things I wish to done for him for the past (4+2) years when I don't have such chances.
I do appreciate we are still best friend now. He is still around for me when times like this. It's only...he can't devoted his time to accompany me. He is still the one I known 6 years ago.
Will he still remember my night safari trip?
~moo miss him lots~
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