easter holiday

today is the easter holiday in singapore. i couldn't go back hometown as tomorrow i still need to work. today time passed quite fast. probably, i have spent most of time personalized my new mobile, sleeping and doing housekeeping.

i know i have to sleep now. yet, don't feel save to sleep as nobody home yet. quite scare, of course.

tomorrow, would be another ordinary day of going to work. there is one huge personal issue need me to solve, need me to prepare emotionally without breaking down. there is always no solutions to it since 5 years ago. our issues...never have the solutions. because of that, i do feel "lazy" to think of any solution as it is always deemed to be rejected. whatever my decision is, always sound i'm stubborn to him. the issue never gets out of my life. just trying my best to get rid of it. putting whole of my effort in tuning myself into the career in order not to think much about it. it does much "torturing" to my heart. but, this is the best solution for us?...maybe...

FRIEND! ya....that's the repetitive word which always comes into picture! that's deemed the best title for us.

loneliness still visiting me that often. everyday, keep myself clear once wearing up the "assistant manager" uniform and trying to put all the personal issue asides. yet, once, i gets it off and start walking back to mrt, loneliness come along accompany me all the way back home. people passing by very fast. some having another one who call lover accompany them to walk along the underpass.. the emotion gets more lonely when everytime passing by this man singing some romantic songs with playing some musical instruments. why I have chose loneliness? i do ask and wondering, what time he will be reaching home tonight? having plans again? qnd ya..as usual...I can't ask. it's been few times, drafted sms and yet deleted before it is being sent out. time after time, just let those questions passed by and leave. if I'm doing it, i'm crossing the line in which he has set earlier on.

i do looking forward to find my own circle of friends. in which, i hope i will not be that lonely here. furthermore, i believe this is what he want me to live in all the while. whatever i'm trying to do, i do mean it at the best. i don't hope to become one of his burden.

i don't know why i got this feeling, next month is going to be the hard time for me to go through. who want to be lonely during birthday? who wanna be catching own favourite upcoming movie (pirates of carribeans) by walking in the cinema on your own? i know, no matter what i shoudn't be break down. i have promise him, no disappointment in any ways. nobody force me to be here living in the loneliness. i got no one to be blame. i just need to get myself strong enough to face the reality and to be on my own.

i know i have been waiting for someone which is more likely waiting for rain in the drought.